Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Who the hell is that fat person?!?

When you slowly gain weight over time, you build up a "tolerance" for yourself. Looking in the mirror each day becomes routine and you get used to what you see. You know that you've put on some pounds, but you still feel pretty good. Then you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or window or photo and when you do, you think "Who the hell is that lard ass?" When you realize that the fat girl is leaves you speechless. I've had this happen to me many times over the past few years and have accumulated quite the collection of photos I don't let anyone see. (I'm like an enigma...I exist but there's very little photographic proof.)

Recently, Shawn & I went to a club/bar where a big group of friends were celebrating two other friends' birthdays. I drank, danced, laughed, and overall...had a great time. And I got away from there, so I thought, without any full body photos taken of me...I limit my photo opps to head shots only!! A few days later, I log on to Facebook and see that I've been tagged in a few pics from the party. There was one that was really cute of me & my friend Heather...I liked it. But the next one was awful...I looked like a toad!!...a dancing toad! I untagged myself from the pic so that no one would see it. But I did save it for myself to look at as a reminder of what I need to do to change my life. In fact, it was this picture that I would consider the "straw that finally broker the camel's back" regarding my weight issue. (Must've been a really strong camel because there have been many unflattering pictures before this one.) So for that, I must thank the friend who posted it on FB. And no matter how many times I've looked at the picture since the party or will look at it in the future, there's no way I'm going to ever learn to "tolerate" it.

Note: I'd post the picture here, but can't bring myself to do it. A couple months down the road after I've lost some weight, I think I'll start posting some 'before' shots.


  1. I can't tell you how many of those pictures I have of myself. I'm good at dodging the camera when I see one come out. I've cried (actual tears) over some recent pictures of myself. I'm glad you started this blog-- it's rad!

  2. I had a similar experience with said group of friends with our Cancun pics. Thankfully Tiff didn't post the ones where my belly was hanging over hiding any proof that I was wearing swim bottoms... But I too kept them in my personal little "file" to serve as reminders for when I'm losing the drive to do anymore crunches.

  3. I don't have pictures taken of myself either. I don't really even like them of my head...notice my profile pics are of bunnies or other animals!